and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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