me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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