Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
