I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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