so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
