his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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