I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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