I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
