your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
this hospital has no fireball
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
