It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you traded sex for a burrito?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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