Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
