Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
