I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
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he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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