Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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