You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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