she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
