we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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