I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
