someone threw a dead crab at me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
