Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Bring me that man meat
Is Oprah even human
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
