im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Say something about gay babies.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
