Sponge bath it is.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
