worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
