If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
