It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
