so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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