hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
