I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
