the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
