you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my poor anus
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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