Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
