Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
