Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
People in love make me want to vomit
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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