yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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