I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
