So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
