If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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