maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
