I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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