I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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