Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
