I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
