tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
