How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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