Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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