When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
