I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
