i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
