I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the condom got lost in my hair
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Everything about him screamed your future.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
