we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
