The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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