Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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