There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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