I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
how do flat chested girls get laid?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
