My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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