ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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