i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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