I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
