well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
