I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
