Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize