FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
