I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
