My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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