apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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