Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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