Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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