Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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