Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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