I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
