I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
