So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
