My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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