I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
