It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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