I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
