Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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