Soap is not a condiment
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
