He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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