Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
