i was born a porn star she said
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
