Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
