There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
